Unbridled Faithfulness

You know, after having a pretty terrible first few weeks of being back in the United States, God came through with a pretty amazing week...  Lately, I've been struggling with being back:
- "How do I fit back in around here?"
- "...all of my close friends seem to have moved away..."
- "Are there any ministry opportunities here for me?  Or did I leave them all in Mexico?"

I'll admit, for a while I was a true Israelite in my thinking!  "Why can't I just go back to Mexico?  It was so much better there!!!  I had food, friends, and ministry!!!!"  Lol!  Let me give some background information.  For some reason unbeknownst to me, my finances have been bled COMPLETELY dry.  It's really been a combination of me being in Mexico for 6 months and a crazy wedding week with the Holston's...  Either way, I ended up begging my dad for gas money so I could make it to my new job this week.  Now, we have reached the beginning of my story...

Worship was just finishing up at church as offering was being collected.  I realized that I hadn't yet tithed on the money that my dad had given me for gas.  I wrestled with the thought for a moment.  After all, I needed that money for gas and parking at work ($10 a day)!  If I gave that money to God, there'd be no way for me to take care of those financial responsibilities!  Still, I gave in.  After all, God is sovereign!  He owns the cattle on a thousand hills, for crying out loud!  (Psalm 50:9-10)  $10 won't break HIS pockets!  Lol!  So I gave...

On Monday morning, I headed to the MARC train station around the corner from my house to purchase a MARC/Metro monthly pass for April.  I spent the last of my saved money to secure my travel for April and headed to work, unaware of what awaited me...  When I arrived at work, my boss said that the company would totally expense my MARC/Metro monthly pass (about $227)!!!!  Of course, I won't see the reimbursement for a few weeks, but it's great news!  Whereas most employees have their parking paid for, I'm getting my entire trip to work paid for!!!!  God is incredibly faithful, and His favor is amazing...

About midway through the workday, a lady entered the office to deliver new parking passes for the month of April.  The receptionist started handing them out to the employees who needed them and collected the passes for the month of March.  The thing is, the new passes were for a parking garage under the building.  So pretty much, no one would be using the March passes that were good for in front of the movie theater...  Guess what the receptionist decided to do?  


"Hey Jamil, why don't you use one of these parking passes for the rest of the week and give it back to me when you're done?"


WHAT?!!!!  While I'm at my desk, thinking of how to beg the movie theater people for parking validation so I can afford the cost, God is working behind the scenes to faithfully provide for my needs!  My God is indeed huge!

The end.

NOT!!!  It continues!  You see, back in my senior year of high school, I was looking for an easy "A" class and took web page design.  While in that class, I learned basic HTML!  Um, that's "computer geek" for "I learned to read and write the basic language of web pages."  While I'm at work this week, guess what my supervisor asks me:
"Hey Jamil, I know you studied architecture, but are you familiar with HTML?"


Not only is God faithful enough to plan that far in advance, but He's faithful enough to help me REMEMBER WHAT I LEARNED!!!!!!  Lol!  I'm done!  I can't even function at the moment!  I'm taking all of this Saturday just to reflect...thank you, Lord...I truly don't deserve You...

A Trip in Missions, Pt. 6

God treats you the way one mother treated her young son, Timmy.  She didn't like the thought of Timmy walking to his first-grade class unaccompanied.  But he was too grown-up to be seen with his mother.  "Besides," he explained, "I can walk with a friend."  So she did her best to stay calm, quoting the Twenty-third Psalm to him every morning:  "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life..."

One day she came up with an idea.  She asked a neighbor to follow Timmy to school in the mornings, staying at a distance, lest he notice her.  The neighbor was happy to oblige.  She took her toddler on morning walks anyway.

After several days Timmy's little friend noticed the lady and the child.

"Do you know who that woman is who follows us to school?"

"Sure," Timmy answered.  "That's Shirley Goodnest and her daughter Marcy."

"Who?"

"My mom reads about them every day in the Twenty-third Psalm.  She says, 'Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life.'  Guess I'll have to get used to them."

You will, too.  God never sends you out alone.
[excerpt from Max Lucado's book entitled Fearless]

 It's Day 7 of the month of October, and this passage from Max Lucado's book really spoke volumes to me; not simply because I'm "on the mission field", but because I'm kind of in isolation for the duration of October.  Lee has journeyed back to the States to pick up his wife, Carol, and to settle some ministry business.  They will return in November.  So this marks my first full week here by myself.  And boy, has it been interesting!

Knowing the circumstances and potential dangers here hasn't really helped much.  My first night alone, I found myself doing a military-like sweep through the building with two large knives after hearing a strange popping noise.  Later, I found out that the lid had popped off the top of a tupperware container in the refrigerator...

What has generated such random fear in me?  I was writing a dear friend in an e-mail earlier saying that I'm not used to feeling fear for my personal safety.  After all, I lived in DC for 5 years!  Lol!  I thought I had adapted to a lifestyle of trusting God for what may happen to my physical body.  I mean, my fears USUALLY revolve around finances, future circumstances, the safety of others, etc.

The other day I was editing video on my computer when I caught a glimpse of a shady figure over my left shoulder.  Immediately, a jolt went straight to my chest as I turned to face it as my heart raced!  What I saw was...nothing...nothing was there.  This is definitely something I'm not used to and something that I would really like prayer over.

God has used many things to encourage me, though!  I've started playing music more often, which has been a great weapon against the idle mind.  God is definitely doing something because the random fear is less frequent.  After all, "Shirley Goodnest and Marcy will follow me all the days of my life"!  Lol!  It's a good reminder from Him that I'm never alone.  Hmm, indeed!  :-)

A Trip in Missions, Pt. 3

[Narrator's Voice]:  "When we last left our hero, he had just returned from a missions trip to Mexico that absolutely touched his heart.  He resolved to continue seeking the Lord about his future as he finished out his year-long internship with the fabulous Camp Sonshine.  We rejoin him now, 6 months later..."

Hey everyone!  So I'm going back to Mexico!  Short story, huh?  Well, to shorten it even more, I'm going back for about 5 1/2 months--leaving in September and returning in February.  The whole situation hasn't been the easiest to undergo, but it has been extremely encouraging!  I began raising support in early June so that I could reach a goal of $2,400 that would pay for my travel, food and stay in Mexico.  For a LONG time, I received nothing and doubts crept into my mind:  "Did you really hear from God?"  "Maybe your parents were right--get a REAL job!"  "Just messing up, again, Jamil..."

Midway through July, I realized that the most I had done to show faith in God about Mexico was to tell others I was going.  I thought back to the last time I went and noticed that God brought me support AFTER I had taken a step of faith by paying for a plane ticket out of pocket.  So I decided to take another step of faith by buying my plane ticket with no foreseeable support in sight.  THE VERY NEXT DAY AT CAMP, I RECEIVED MY FIRST MONETARY SUPPORT!!!  One of my friend's 5th grade campers heard I was going and donated $1 to the cause (I love that boy!).  Truly, it touched me and I definitely didn't add that to the "ice cream shack fund."  Lol!

One day later, I heard that my fellow interns were doing a fundraiser for me all throughout camp!  The deal was that if $500 was reached, Dan, the blond below, would shave his beard.  If $1,000 was reached, Brandon, the thickly bearded one below, would shave his.  And if $1,500 was reached, Dan would cut his long blond hair.

Well, by Friday of last week (7/29), $1,000 had been raised!!!  I'm sad to be able to say that, only because Brandon loves his beard...  Welp!  Here are the after shots!!!

                            
Not only that, but as of today, 8/2, they have raised a little over $1,600!!!!  I'm also a little sad to say that because Dan loves his long hair...  It will be cut this week...and what a fundraiser!!!  Is there anyone wondering why they raised OVER $1,500?  Well, apparently my camp director, Nathean, caught the fever and said that if we raise the entire $2,400 by Friday, he will shave the curly locks on his head!!!  (for those who don't know, Nathean is the guy in the above photo with Brandon)

I'm feeling so in awe these days...  Not only did God set it up so that I would be TOTALLY taken care of, but He set it up in such a way that I can tangibly FEEL the love and support of the Body of Christ!  Seeing Dan and Brandon give some of what they hold dear just to help me get to Mexico made me a little "misty."  To have campers come up to me during the camp day and give me money for the trip is humbling.  Having the main office workers help coordinate the funds and send e-mails is amazing.  I haven't felt THIS cared for since the surprise birthday party I received on my 22nd birthday.  Oh, Lord...You rock!  Haha...pun...  Please continue to pray for the trip, the kids, the work, and my preparation in the coming days and weeks.  I have NO clue where God is taking me on this one...well...except TO MEXICO!!!!  ;-)

Whose Plans???

Before I begin, let me wish a HAPPY NEW YEAR to all of you!!!  (assuming that people will read this...maybe?  Lol!)  I've been really thinking about 2010 lately; I couldn't say that it was my most favorite year, but it was ok.  At church yesterday, I was with the Youth Ministry like usual, helping out and putting the middle schoolers in head-locks (j/k).  The middle school ministry leader asked a question:  "What is one bad thing from 2010, one good thing from 2010, and what would you like to do differently in 2011?"  He wanted everyone to answer--not just the kids.  I really got to thinking...

2010 was characterized by one truth, and that truth is my "bad thing from 2010":  NOT A SINGLE THING THAT I PLANNED WENT THE WAY THAT I EXPECTED OR HOPED!!!  Lol!  Seriously, though.  I entered into my final Spring semester of college and expected to graduate with no issues (after all, I hadn't had any issue before my senior year).  Instead, I ended up having to "run a marathon" just to walk across the stage!  I almost didn't graduate and the stress from my professors (and myself) was crucially heavy!  But I did graduate with a Bachelors in Architecture (truly by God's grace).

During that time, I was also planning my grand scheme for proposal that I had arranged to be in May.  Everything I was setting up was falling into place perfectly, and then it all fell apart in a nice "domino effect."  First, my girlfriend broke up with me (kind of a big element in the proposal scheme).  Then, the money that had been donated for the plan dried up in all the graduation madness.  Finally, the ring situation just evaporated.

Then came the summer.  I planned to work my "final" summer at Camp Sonshine and then begin full-time work in an architecture firm in August.  Instead, God closed the door on those applications and led me to stay at Camp Sonshine as part of the intern program (me in full-time ministry at THIS point in my life?!).

Fall came, and with it, quite an adventure.  My girlfriend and I got back together during the summer and I proceeded with my proposal planning.  With the help of some great friends, I managed to pull off a nice proposal, and she said "Yes."  So, with my fiancé, I moved forward in wedding planning.  As I've said in other posts, I enjoyed it!  ***spoiler warning***  But after 3 months of being engaged, my fiancé and I called the engagement, and the relationship, off (story shortened to prevent a never-ending post).

Haha!  I think you get the picture.  I had so many plans for 2010!  I remember God saying on New Year's last year that 2010 would be a "year of change."  Apparently, His "change" and my "change" differed, just a bit.  Lol!  It's cool, though, because my good thing for 2010 was that NOT A SINGLE THING THAT I PLANNED WENT THE WAY THAT I EXPECTED OR HOPED!!!  Lol!  Let me explain:

1)  I faced many issues and barriers to graduation, but they only caused me to go deeper into prayer and to CONSISTENTLY seek out the fellowship of believers for encouragement.
2)  I didn't get engaged at the end of May like I planned, but with everything else that was going on at the time, I wouldn't have been able to truly put all of my energy into planning for a memorable proposal.
3)  I didn't get a job in an architecture firm, but I'm able to work in full-time ministry with people I love and admire from camp!  Not only that, but I was in the perfect work-environment to endure the situation with the broken engagement!  I mean, not only could I find encouragement in my personal times and at church, but at work, too!
4)  The engagement ended, but it ended!  Can you imagine what marriage would have been like if I had a wife who still doubted if we should even be together in the first place?!!!  That would have been MISERABLE!

In the end, nothing happened how I planned it, but nothing happened that was bad for me (Romans 8:28).  The Scriptures are true:  "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps" (Proverbs 16:9).  Now all I want to do for 2011 is LET GO!!!  Sure I can plan some things, but if God closes a door, then I need to let it go--it's too much stress and headache trying to hold on to MY visions of how things should go.  After all, God is sovereign; I think He knows a little better than me.  ;-)

The Road to "Happily Ever After", pt. 3

I'm not going to lie, preparing for the wedding to/marriage with Alisha has been kind of rough on me.  As a young man in the Lord, I have a large desire to provide for myself, and more importantly, for my fiance and future wife.  That seems pretty normal, right?  I mean, who wouldn't want to make the one they love feel secure?  It's been a rough path to walk for a few reasons...

At the beginning of the summer, I had my whole first year out of college planned out!  I was going to work the summer at camp and then start my career afterward.  I thought it was a great plan with a great financial future!  That's when God began to burden my heart with ministry and His work; He put it on my heart to do missions during my first year out of college (before my career starts).  I decided to be obedient, and now I'm working with Camp Sonshine during the school year and next summer.  I've been enjoying the work and the environment!  The staff is so encouraging!  In addition, I get a paycheck for the work (which is something that isn't expected when doing mission work).  It's not a large check, but it's enough to take care of myself--$400 a month.

With $400 a month, there's not much that can be saved for a wedding and future life.  It's enough to make a person feel low--like less of a man.  Not to mention that student loans will be starting up in December...  It doesn't help that not many older people around me seem to understand.  My step-dad considers me utterly foolish because of this situation.  My biological dad thinks/knows that I'm making a huge mistake.  One of my brothers in Christ wonders if I'm working at camp because I'm afraid of joining the "real" work world.  Another thinks that I'm in this position because I simply don't know what to do next with my life.  There's not much encouragement.  Yet, I know that God is shaping things so that He'll be able to do a great work!  The same thing happened as I planned for engagement, and we all saw the blessing He brought forth there!!!  (see The Road to "Happily Ever After")  God, knowing the discouragement I face, has prompted me with these questions:
1)  Is God worth my embarassment?
2)  Will I serve and follow after God even if it means that I'll not just look foolish, but will be called foolish, too?
3)  If my actions seem foolish to me, will I still trust in God?

Lol!  Yeah, I'll be a fool for God.  So, I'm pressing forward and trying to trust God.  As you can see above, it's quite difficult.  In fact, I'm finding it really hard to trust that God will provide.  Of course, I know that He is able and that He controls every situation, but to apply that knowledge practically--letting go and waiting on Him--is hard.  I could really use your prayers...

As I continue to wait, I'm just going to keep myself busy with the work of the Lord.  He's given me more than enough to do!  On top of the work with camp, the door has been opened for me to work with all ages 5-21 in various other ministry opportunities!  Honestly, I have so much more to do than to be worried about things that God is already taking care of!  Lol!  Ah, well!  I look forward to posting pt. 4 of this unorthodox journey to marriage!!!

In ___ We Trust?

About a week ago I went to the Men's Prayer Breakfast at my church (Calvary Chapel). The teaching came from 2 Chronicles 14-16, focusing on the kingship of Asa. It's so cool how Asa started out beautifully as a king, diligently leading Judah in the ways of the Lord; not only that, but he relied on God to deliver the people from overwhelming odds (2 Chron. 14:2-12)! Surely someone as faithful as Asa would finish strong in his life by continuing to honor the Lord, right? Then comes chapter 16, where we see Asa and the kingdom in the same exact situation as that from chapter 14; however, this time Asa doesn't call out to the Lord. Instead, he takes funds from the Lord's temple to hire the services of a neighboring king, who happens to be an enemy of the Israelites (2 Chron. 16:1-3). He places his trust in his own ability to take care of the need.

Needless to say, this message brought with it a serious exhortation!!! Lol! Still, applying this message was harder than normal, for some reason. Being a full-time student with no opportunity for work, the finances are pretty tight. So you can imagine my dismay when my brake light came on in my car...4 weeks ago... I avoided taking my car in because I knew I didn't have the money to pay for it, and because I knew that the mechanics would find more wrong with my car (I have a pretty old model).

Anxiety was a beast at trying to give me gray hairs before my time! I prayed and prayed, but couldn't find peace in the situation. Looking back, it's probably because I was still holding on to the situation and not fully releasing it to the Lord (...that may have had something to do with it...lol). Let's check out the epilogue, shall we?

I spoke to my mom and step-dad about the situation and my step-dad said he'd pay for the work on my car! "Wonderful!" I thought. "God is such a provider." I had no clue that He wasn't finished, yet. When I arrived at the auto shop, I spoke to the mechanic, whom I've come to know through repeated visits (as I said, my car is old...). He informed me that doing the maintenance on my brakes, pads, rotors, etc. would cost $400 total. Not only that, but as I suspected, my car needed additional work (new throttle body, gasket, etc.). I was prepared to just drive my car until the wheels fell off, as opposed to actually paying for that work...but the mechanic cut me a deal! He said he'd do ALL of the work for $500! The throttle body work alone would have cost $150, not to mention the other needed work, which would have pushed the total to over $700; so you can imagine my joy at this deal! I spoke to my step-dad, who confirmed that he'd pay the $500. It goes without saying, but I was quite pumped! Lol!

Then they said that there was an issue: since my car is so old, there are no new replacement throttle bodies or gaskets. But here comes God being a provider, again, because they found another throttle body in a junk yard nearby. Not only that, but they called around and found a gasket...in Washington State (quite far since I'm on the East Coast)!!! Lol! There's no amount of luck that could accomplish this; it's nothing short of the Lord's favor! Talk about going above and beyond all I could ever think or imagine (Ephesians 3:20-21)!!!

Now I'm at the point where the Lord has provided for me and I'm excited about it...but man I wish I had relied on Him a lot more BEFORE he provided!!! [sigh] I guess I'll just have to remember this situation for next time. Ah...building moments...praise God for them...